Coping and Self-Care in Uncertain Times
In my social work program, few things were emphasized as much as self-care. We (as humans, not necessarily only social workers) have a tendency to give others what we often forget to give ourselves: love, compassion, empathy, and forgiveness. Right now, we’re living in a time of heightened anxiety, fear, and uncertainty. I have been fortunate to have never witnessed a global phenomenon like COVID-19 before in my lifetime. The impact on healthcare, society, and the economy is only beginning, and I have no doubt the effects will remain for a long time. With that being said, I believe coping and self-care strategies are critical in a time like this. If we don’t take care of ourselves, how can we help others? Practicing self-care means taking steps to prioritize our own physical, emotional, and mental health and well-being. I think most people would say they’re good at taking care of themselves, when in reality they’re not. We often put others first, or we drain ourselves and don’t know how to refuel.
Disclaimer: I’m not an expert on COVID-19, so any explanations I provide are based on what I’ve read. I’m not qualified to give medical advice, nor should any of this be taken as such.
I also recorded a short presentation based on this blog post, which you can find at the bottom of the page.
Healthy habits
There’s a reason why certain pointers are always included in a discussion on healthy habits. You’re probably tired of hearing them, so I’m going to gently place them here as quiet reminders to do what you can.
Eat. We all know that eating “right” is good for us, but what’s right for me may not be right for you. I’m not here to tell you what to eat; my point is to eat something. When we’re in stressful situations, we often forget to eat or don’t have an appetite. It’s important to eat even when we don’t feel like we can because sooner or later, we’ll crash. Hunger can lead to irritability and physical ailments, which can make an already stressful situation worse. It’s also okay to treat yourself and indulge once in a while.
Stay hydrated. Drink water throughout the day.
Practice good hygiene and use the bathroom when you need to. Wash your hands with soap and water and routinely disinfect surfaces. It may seem silly that “use the bathroom when you need to” is a piece of advice, but it can be easy to think you don’t have time to. Taking care of basic needs can help you be more healthy and productive.
Get enough sleep. Sleep recharges our bodies and brains. Wind down in the hour before bed by limiting screen time and minimizing distractions. There are also many phone apps to help you relax before bed or to optimize the process of waking up.
Be active and take breaks. Exercise. Stretch your muscles. Rest your eyes. Don’t keep snacks right next to you so you’re forced to move to get them.
Check in with your body. We know our own bodies better than anyone else, and we know how we feel when we’re sick. It’s important to be aware of signs of exhaustion or illness. Notice how you feel when you’re healthy to better know how you feel when you’re not. Resting when you’re not feeling well will be better for recovery in the long run.
Do something for yourself each day. See section on coping strategies.
Relationships and boundaries
By now, you’ve probably heard the term “social distancing” enough to last you a few lifetimes. If you haven’t heard of it, social distancing is the practice of limiting in-person interactions that are not necessary in order to stop or slow the spread of infectious disease. Because COVID-19 is highly infectious, experts have advised that everyone practice social distancing. Many workplaces, schools, and public spaces have temporarily closed, so families are together at home under unusual circumstances. Keep in mind that a lot of this will be trial and error. Do what works for you and your family.
Stay connected. Social distancing doesn’t mean having to be socially distant. There are so many ways to connect with others now: text, voice or video calls, email, chat programs, and social media are just some options. When my husband and I were dating long distance, we’d watch a movie together by being on the phone while streaming the same movie. Check in with loved ones and see how they’re doing. Share survival tips and resources with others.
Create work and studying spaces. If possible, create separate, dedicated work spaces and studying spaces so that everyone has a quiet place they can go to concentrate. I know this isn’t possible for everyone, so do what you can with your circumstances. Try out different configurations and see what works. Use headphones if needed.
Create schedules and set boundaries. If you find that you are now working from home or are around others who are now working/schooling from home, create a schedule for yourself and for the household. Designate work times, meals, and breaks. Place a “do not disturb” sign on the door if needed. Work when you’re most productive, even if it doesn’t fit the “standard” work schedule. Set boundaries with others in your household and with clients and colleagues. Be honest if you can’t meet a deadline or can’t take on a project because of your personal circumstances. Setting boundaries also means canceling social engagements. Take the lead.
Spend time together and check in. If you live with other family members or pets, spend some time with them that’s not related to work, school, or day-to-day tasks. Snuggle. Allow for safe, open conversations about feelings and fears. Pets make great listeners.
Practice kindness. Helping others is a way to give back, especially when we feel helpless. Donate to relief efforts, check on neighbors who are older or immunocompromised, put together meal kits, or make supply runs for those who can’t. Tip well. Pay things forward.
Coping strategies
These should be things that recharge you. They shouldn’t be burdensome, although it may feel like there’s no time in your day. Even if it’s doing one thing for ten minutes each day, that’s something. There are endless possibilities, so I’m just listing some examples.
Create, escape, or play. Bake something yummy. Do something artsy like coloring, knitting, or drawing. Play a video game or board game. Do a jigsaw or crossword puzzle. Tackle that to-read pile. Learn a new hobby or rediscover an old one.
Laugh. Watch silly videos, fun TV shows, or lighthearted movies. Play party games. Watch stand-up comedy. Read online comics.
Go outside. If you’re practicing social distancing, that doesn’t mean you can’t go outside. You can go for a walk around the block or go to a park. The key is to maintain distance from others and avoid crowded places. If you’re in quarantine because you have COVID-19 or have been in direct contact with someone who has tested positive, that’s a different story. Please stay inside.
Unplug. Constant consumption of news and social media can heighten fear and anxiety. If this is true for you, unplug for a certain amount of time each day.
Stay informed. For some, staying informed of what’s going on in the world is a helpful coping strategy. If you want to stay informed, make sure you’re following reliable sources and not spreading false information. It may be helpful to limit how much information you consume by setting guidelines for yourself (“I’ll check local updates three times a day for ten minutes at a time”).
Prioritize mental health. Do what you can for your own mental health, whether through meditation, journaling (might I suggest Zen as F*ck), guided imagery, or other strategies. If you have a therapist, see if they are able to do remote sessions during this time.
Release your pent-up emotions or energy. There’s a reason why crying and screaming are cathartic. They’re ways you can release the emotions and energy you may have bottled up. You can also hit a punching bag, play video games, or dance to your favorite music. Side note: If you decide to scream or punch, please channel them in healthy ways and don’t direct them at others.
Focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t. One of the most profound realizations in my life came when I was a counseling intern in graduate school. It was there that I learned the important (and seemingly impossible) concept of focusing on what you can control and letting go of what you can’t. Much of the stress we experience in our lives comes from wanting to control the things we can’t. Instead, we have to focus our energy on what we can actually do. That doesn’t mean we have to like the things that are out of our control, but we can shape our actions, attitudes, and responses. I may not like it when others hoard a year’s supply of toilet paper, hand sanitizer, or canned goods, but I can’t control what they do. Instead, I can prepare what I need to for my family in a way that seems reasonable to me and fair to others in our community. I also may not like it when others continue to go to bars, concerts, and social events. Instead, I can practice social distancing and encourage others to do so, and in the end, I know that I’m doing my part to limit the spread. Sure, I may roll my eyes at others or rant on social media, but if I spend a lot of energy on things I can’t control, I’m depleting energy that could be channeled more productively into things I can control.
Self-compassion and forgiveness
Part of self-care is having self-compassion, a term coined by Dr. Kristin Neff. “Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?”
It’s okay to be less productive than normal. There are a lot of messages spreading in the writing community about using this time to finally finish your book and about how Shakespeare wrote King Lear under quarantine. It’s natural to internalize that pressure and to feel like you’re failing if you don’t live up to these unrealistic expectations, but try not to let it get to you. It’s absolutely okay if you feel less productive than before. You’re probably facing many unknowns, as well as more distractions, so do what you can under the circumstances and forgive yourself for not writing Love in the Time of Quarantine.
It’s okay to be scared, anxious, or upset. No one can take away how you’re feeling. Your emotions are valid, and many of us are feeling scared, anxious, or upset because there are a lot of things to be scared, anxious, or upset about right now. Acknowledge that these are normal and try to find healthy ways to cope with them.
It’s okay to celebrate personal victories. In the midst of a pandemic, it can be easy to discount personal victories as insignificant or to worry it may be inappropriate to share good news. Now more than ever, we need reasons to celebrate. Share your successes and positives, no matter how big or small they are. You have the right to still be happy about things in life.
It’s okay to set aside time for yourself. One of the biggest barriers to self-care is the feeling that we’re being selfish if we take some time for ourselves. There’s a reason why the oxygen mask analogy is repeatedly used with caring professions. When you’re on an airplane, one of the safety instructions is to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs. You are no good to anyone else if your oxygen/livelihood/energy/mental health is depleted.
It’s okay to not know what the hell you’re doing. None of us do. We’re in uncharted territory. In all honesty, I’m writing this blog post as much for myself as for others because I don’t know what to do and can feel my anxiety increasing every day. Look to those who have been experiencing this firsthand and heed their advice. Be kind to yourself for not knowing.
Final thoughts
Practicing self-care is unique to you, and no one can tell you how you should or shouldn’t do it. I hope you’ve learned a new strategy you can implement, or maybe this has served as a reminder to be kind to yourself and others. The goal is to balance your own needs with those of others so that you’re not sacrificing yourself. Do what you can for yourself and others. It takes all of us.
